The Leopard in My House cover art

The Leopard in My House

One man’s adventures in cancerland

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The Leopard in My House

By: Mark Steel
Narrated by: Mark Steel
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About this listen

Brought to you by Penguin.

‘I feel like there’s a leopard in my house, locked in a room. I’ve contacted the leopard authorities and they assure me they are used to dealing with leopards like this, and they have a plan for removing the leopard. It will take a while, though, and once in a while I can hear it growl.

And that’s all very reassuring. Even so, several times a day I think to myself: “Hang on, there’s a leopard in my house.”'

One morning, while shaving, the comedian Mark Steel noticed that one side of his neck seemed larger than the other. After a whistlestop tour of assorted medical professionals, a consultant delivered the ominous words that would define the next months of his life: ‘I’m afraid it’s not good news, Mr Steel’.
And so began a journey into the heart of the NHS, as he embarked on the long and uncertain road to cancer recovery via a range of mildly torturous and entirely miraculous treatments. What, if anything, might he learn about himself – and our capacity for coping with life when times get tough – as he becomes part of a club that one in two British people will ultimately join?
A frank and funny diary of one man’s rather trying year, this is an unforgettable and uplifting story of getting ill, getting on with it, and getting better.

©2025 Mark Steel (P)2025 Penguin Audio
Cancer Medical Physical Illness & Disease Professionals & Academics Funny Witty Feel-Good

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Critic reviews

Just like you might bet he would, Mark Steel has given us a deep, personal, clever, witty, painful and hilarious book. His eye lingers on details of the past, present and a possible future, taking us all the way to an answer for 'what's the bloody point anyway?' He shows (not tells) that the answer might be to live and feel life the way he does. Thanks Mark Steel. (Michael Rosen, author of 'Getting Better')
Funny, moving, wise and then very funny again. It’s also a very spiritual and philosophical book for a foul-mouthed atheist from Swanley. Final score; Cancer: 1, Mark Steel: 5. (John O'Farrell, author of 'Family Politics')
All stars
Most relevant  
This was such an interesting and engaging book.
I very much enjoy MS’s comedy and am of a similar political persuasion, but it was not an easy listen.
I had cancer and a radical hysterectomy about 10 years ago, so I recognised some of this landscape.
I listened in fairly small chunks and despite knowing that Mark would be ok ultimately, I still worried about him.
I had no idea about the extent of his illness and the complexity of his recovery.
He takes us along on his cancer journey gently and with great humour (as you’d expect). It’s a story well worth sharing.
Well done Mark, hang in. Thank you.

Interesting, engaging and difficult…

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You’ll never hear better writing than this. He’s a master. Just up to you if you’re interested in the topic. I think you should be, it’s going to happen to most of us.

It’s better than brilliant

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A moving autobiographical account of Mark Steel’s experience of cancer.
I already admired this man for his wit and his take on politics and the absurdities of life, and this book served to emphasise all his best qualities.
Well written and, if you go for the audible version as I did, very well read by the author himself.
I am so glad he is doing well - and I am so pleased that he and Ms Khorsandi found each other.

Moving, honest and endearingly funny

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How the hell is a book about having Cancer SO, SOOOO, funny? Listened all the way home from Bristol to Norwich and I have never EVER laughed AND cried so much in a single day! What an incredible book!! 11 out of 10 minimum!

Every cancer patient and EVERY cancer Doctor/Nurse/Receptionist should get a copy on the NHS

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I have heard many of his podcasts so was aware of what he was going through but this explains in much more detail. If it happens to me I hope I am as stoic. Up the Palace too. 🦅

Mark Steel & Throat Cancer

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A very honest account of oesophageal cancer, close relationships and how the author navigated his way through these whilst also having friends in his profession, experiencing their own cancer journey.

I really admire the authors strength, courage and openness. Thank you 🙏🏻

Shockingly graphic and ultimately uplifting

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Having always enjoyed Mark Steel’s comedy, and having read glowing reviews, I bought the audiobook. It surpassed my expectations; whether it was in describing the most harrowing parts of his treatment, yet still finding humour in them, or the encounters with other patients going through similar nightmares, and the professionals who dedicated themselves to his recovery, or his study of the NHS, in that however many struggles it has, it is still an extraordinary institution to be proud of - and to be protected, all of the book was worth reading/listening to. May Mark continue to entertain and educate us in perfect health for many more years - please.

A wonderfully entertaining and courageous story

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informative and funny on a subject that is only too often not spoken about - cancer and the side effects of treatment.

Mark Steel's inimitable style

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Dear Mark, thank you for this wonderful book. I haven’t had cancer but people that I love and have loved to have. It made me laugh, cry, and even made me rethink the things I think are important. It was brilliantly read too and hearing your voice made it even better. I highly recommend it even though the subject matter is challenging because it deals with mortality as well as living. A great listen

Funny, poignant, life enhancing and thought provoking

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I have been diagnosed with almost the same cancer as Mark, and I am shortly to begin my chemotherapy and radiotherapy courses. To know what is ahead and to have some tools that could help me get through it was valuable. The writing is crisp, honest and humorous. He is open and vulnerable. I wish Mark all the best. May the Leopard never return.

Valuable Insight - Told Well

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