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In a recent column in The Times, Caitlin Moran wrote about how five young men in her social circle have taken their lives in the past 18 months.

She's not alone. My daughter has experienced this, as has Bernadette's son, the listener who contacted me to suggest I cover it in an episode.

In the UK, the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50 is suicide, and the statistics in the US are even worse. Boys are particularly vulnerable, and we know that there's the risk of social contagion if we're not careful about how we discuss it.

So how do we talk to kids who've been impacted by this devastating loss? Dr Steven Kariaskos is deeply involved in suicide prevention and support and gives some excellent tips for us parents.

RESOURCES:
https://www.copingaftersuicide.com/support-groups
https://afsp.org/
https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp
https://samaritanshope.org/blog/suicide-grief-101/

Facilities in which Dr Steven Kariaskos is involved:

The Kita Center in Maine: https://www.thekitacenter.org/
This bereavement and mental health center supports individuals impacted by suicide loss. Camp Kita, a free summer camp for young people ages 8-17 who have experienced a loss. We are also expanding our offerings to include weekend retreats, such as a Family Retreat for families navigating a loss and a retreat for Twentysomethings who have lost a loved one to suicide. “Preventing suicide by building intentional environments to foster connection and a lifelong engagement with mental health.”

Coping After Suicide Peer Support Groups: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/support-groups-people-bereaved-suicide/
New groups begin in January, and additional specialized groups are available based on specific losses or identities (such as groups for mothers, siblings, and men).

Talking OutLOUD - Teens & Suicide Loss, A Conversation:
https://www.rethinktheconversation.org/talking-outloud
Award-winning documentary featuring a teen-led discussion about suicide loss.

Elpis Consulting, Coaching, and Community Building:
https://www.elpis-consult.com/
Cultivating restorative communities rooted in hope and well-being. I collaborate with schools and organizations globally, supporting programs that foster organizational health, community well-being, and individual thriving. Elpis means “Hope” in Greek, reflecting the core of thi

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I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

So many of us bemoan the loss of a village, but do we really know what we mean by that?

Being in a village or community requires us to give as well as take; often not on our own terms. It also means that we have to brush shoulders with people who might have radically different viewpoints from us on things like politics or religion.

Many of us have got used to our busy, overscheduled lives, and don't have time to offer what's needed to create community, whilst complaining about its absence.

When we think about community it's easy to desire the positives, whilst forgetting that a lot of selfless contribution goes on behind the scenes in order for it to function.

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

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Encouraging our kids to make the most of themselves is a vital job for parents, but how do we talk with girls about the barriers they face? From the subtle expectation that girls and women be humble to the not so subtle focus on their worth based on body parts and beauty, we parents are left with a tricky path to tread.

We want to encourage our girls to be bold, and try to achieve their dreams, but how do we do that without being honest about the pitfalls of being ambitious, and the misogynistic reactions they will face as they navigate the world?

Jo-Ann Finkelstein's book, Sexism and Sensibilty: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World, has been described by Lisa D'Amour as required reading for anyone who is raising, educating, or caring for girls.

In this interview, Finkelstein discusses the challenges girls face, such as internalizing sexism and the pressure to conform to beauty standards. She highlights the need for us parents to open about the challenges girls face so they learn to understand their worth beyond appearance.

She has some great tips on how to help boys and girls notice the subtle signals and explains how we parents can help them by moving away from comments about their bodies and emphasising their other qualities.

Another great tip is to encourage discussion around the dinner table and give girls time and respect when they want to make a point, since men interrupt women 33% more then they interrupt other men.

COMPATIBLE EPISODES:

• Girls posting bikini shots on social media: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/bikini-photos-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/
• Girl friendships: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/
• Negotiating allowances: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/money-giving-teens-and-tweens-an-allowance-two-years-on-my-daughter-talks-about-how-its-impacted/
• Eldest daughter syndrome: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/eldest-daughter-syndrome-and-the-trouble-with-parentification/
• Friendship groups: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/

Jo-Ann Finkelstein, is an advisory board member of the nonprofit, SSAIS, which has teen resource to empower youth to address SH/SA through peer education and advocacy. Jo-Ann has a toolkit on this page: https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/toolkits/, and SASH Club is described here: https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/sash-club/ and on its own website at the previous link. Looking fo

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

The suicide of a young man at Oxford University has prompted a warning letter to the UK Government about 'cancel culture' on campus. The review into his death 'identified evidence of a concerning practice of social ostracism among students, often referred to as a cancel culture,' according the coroner.

'[The review's] evidence was that this behaviour, where individuals are isolated and excluded from social groups based on allegations or perceptions of wrongdoing, poses a significant risk to student mental health and well-being.'

I brought Susie in to talk about where cancel culture has come from, why it's become popular, and how we parents can help our kids be a force for good.

PODCAST ON DEI :
This Isn't Working by Tanya de Grunwald

FICTION BOOK:
The Outcast - Sadie Jones

EPISODES:

• Conflict resolution skills: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/conflict-resolution-skills-can-deepen-your-relationship-with-your-teen-heres-how/
• Consequnces: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/32-rules-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/

BLOG about consequences:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/

Seven Ideas to Reduce Cancel Culture in Yourself or Your Students and Build Resilience from https://growingleaders.com/the-correlation-between-cancel-culture-and-resilience-in-students/:

1. Do not react on impulse. Think first. Give yourself a day to reflect.
2. Practice the 101% Principle. Find the 1% you agree on and give it 100% of your attention.
3. Listen before you speak. Recover the art of really hearing from the other side.
4. Phone a friend. Don’t respond in a vacuum. Include others’ perspectives before acting.
5. Apologize when and where you’re wrong. This goes a long way in fostering relationships.
6. Forgive when appropriate. To make a mistake is human; to forgive is divine.
7. Build a bridge where there’s a wall. Find a way to connect with the opposing side.

https://comment.org/why-we-cancel/

https://www.depts.ttu.edu/rise/Blog/cancelculture.php
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/375520893_Cancelled_Exploring_the_Phenomenon_of_Cancel_Culture

https://www.thetimes.com/uk/education/article/oxford-student-took-own-life-after-ostracism-over-sexual-encounter-cjx389t5r
https://www.mindingthecampus.org/2024/08/27/the-dangerous-evolution-of-cancel-culture/

https://www.mindingthecampus.org/2024/08/27/the-dangerous-evolution-of-cancel-culture/

https://medium.com/@julesdixon/ostracism-social-exclusion-in-adulthood-8764ea1a4003

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Pl_86DNyN4cicero

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Friendships, and fitting, in are everything to teenagers. You could argue that understanding the dynamics, and supporting our kids through the turmoil of the teen years, is one of the best things we parents can do.

Former Headteacher of 18 years, Andrew Hampton FRSA, is no stranger to the issue. He's not only raised two girls he's also had to deal with the fall-out in school when friendships go wrong.

Having set up the organisation, Girls On Board, which aims to educate teachers about the issues girls face, he - like me - is keenly aware that you can't tackle girl issues without also paying attention to what's happening with boys.

He has now turned his attention to Working With Boys and tackling the issue of rape culture in schools; what stage it sets in, why it develops and how we parents can provide a decent working model for our kids to follow.

Andrew Hampton FRSA
ahampton@girlsonboard.co.uk
https://www.girlsonboard.co.uk
https://andrewhampton.net

BOOKS:
When Girls Fall Out
Working With Boys

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

If we genuinely think about how many of us are emotionally mature before we become parents the number is probably pretty low. The act of caring for someone else, and having to manage our own feelings, can be incredibly challenging, particularly when we were raised by parents who were immature themselves.

Being able to spot the difference between being emotionally immature, and the normal pressures of parenting, can be really helpful. We all have outbursts at times; we're human. The most important test is how we deal with getting it wrong by apologising and taking accountability. The mutual empathy this creates is at the root of building strong relationships.

Definition of emotional maturity on Healthline:

An emotionally mature person manages their emotions well even in difficult situations, takes accountability, is okay with being vulnerable, and shows empathy to others.

THE BOOK REFERENCED THROUGHOUT:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay Gibson

TYPES:

1: The emotional parent. Ruled by their feelings, often swinging wildly between being over-involved and completely withdrawing from their children's lives.

2: The Driven parent. This personality type is obsessively goal-oriented and perpetually busy. They are on a constant quest for perfection, which includes even their children.

3: The Passive parent. They’re more laissez-faire and often willingly take a back seat to a more dominant partner. This can sometimes lead to physical and emotional abuse both for them and their children.

4: The Rejecting parent. They don’t enjoy any level of emotional intimacy. Their interactions with other family members usually consist of getting angry, commanding others, or completely isolating themselves.

THE TECHNIQUE

1: Become curious and observe rather than react. Our episode on this: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/over-reactions-how-to-not-overreact/

2: Think like a scientist. Mentally take note of how your parent or the adult is responding to you. Are they actually listening to you or are they just trying to appease you? Do you recognize any of the emotionally immature behaviors we talked about earlier?

Once you’ve done this you can begin to employ what Gibson calls the three-step Maturity Awareness Approach. The first step is to express yourself and let go.

1: Express yourself and let go. Tell your parent or the person what you want to say, but don't worry about controlling the outcome. It doesn't matter how they react to you.

2: Set a goal of what you want to achieve from the conversation. For example, you might say, I want to tell my mother how I

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

What we see on TikTok often starts on message boards in fringe groups then spills over into the mainstream. This is true of the Looksmaxxing social media trend that's been gaining more and more currency among teen boys.

The goal of looksmaxxing is to meet a set of criteria for physical attractiveness, with a focus on the eyes, jawline, and physique and the ultimate currency is SMV, or Sexual Market Value.

There are some really positive elements to the trend, but its originated in incel groups so there can be a dark underbelly that it's worth us parents knowing about, as Mike Nicholson https://www.progressivemasculinity.co.uk/is well aware.

SOME KEY INFLUENCERS:
Kareem Shami - syrianpsycho
Dillon Latham

NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY:
Open Wide

PODCAST:
LOOKSMAXXING for the modern male (attitude, skin & hair routine, clothes, mewing, jawsize)

APPS MENTIONED:
UMAX
LOOSKMAX AI

MEWING:

The Mews are a father and son team of orthodontists from the UK who began to market their techniques on YouTube.

The basic principles of mewing include:

1. Tongue Position: Keeping the tongue flat against the roof of the mouth, rather than letting it rest on the bottom of the mouth.
2. Posture: Maintaining good overall posture, which is thought to support proper oral and facial alignment.
3. Breathing: Encouraging nasal breathing rather than mouth breathing, which can affect facial structure over time.

When to seek help: from medical news today
Your son is...

• spending prolonged periods of time or repeatedly checking appearance in the mirror
• feelings of dissatisfaction or distress toward aspects of appearance that may interfere with everyday life
• spending prolonged periods of time worrying about or thinking negative thoughts about appearance
• persistent feelings of hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, anxiety, sadness, or shame
• becoming irritable more easily
• feeling tired or low in energy
• difficulty getting to sleep, staying asleep, or sleeping too much
• feeling restless and having difficulty concentrating
• having thoughts about death or suicide

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/feb/15/from-bone-smashing-to-chin-extensions-how-looksmaxxing-is-reshaping-young-mens-faces

https://fortune.com/2024/07/01/looksmaxxing-apps-rate-teen-boys-faces-mental-health/

https:

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Boundaries exist, regardless of whether we're conscious of them or not. The first place we experience them is in our own home, and the way they are created, managed and enforced can set us up for a lifetime of healthy relationships, or difficulty coping with other humans.

In this episode Susie and I discuss what a boundary is, how we uncover our own boundaries and create and uphold healthy ones within our own families.

It's a fascinating area for us parents who were raised in an era where the term barely existed, and the mental health issues that come with poor boundaries went unacknowledged.

We'd love to hear your feedback, ideas and questions. Email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com or send a text using the button at the top of the podcast notes.

SOURCES:

• https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/teens-health-boundaries/#:~:text=Healthy%20boundaries%20support%20adolescents'%20ability,and%20sometimes%20verbally%20as%20well.
• https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries#10-tips
• https://www.verywellhealth.com/setting-boundaries-5208802

Boundary Exercises from verywellhealth

When you set boundaries, you're communicating to others how you want and expect to be treated. Here are a few exercises that can help when you feel tongue-tied:

Use "I" statements:

• I feel ______ when _____ is said to me.
• When this happens______, I feel_____.

When you feel disrespected:

• I don't like the way I'm being spoken to right now.
• I would like to talk about this but now is not the right time.
• I would prefer to discuss this when we can be calmer about it.

Buy yourself some time:

• I'm not sure right now. Can I come to you once I've thought about it?
• I need more time to think, but I will get back to you.

When you want to say "no" with a little more explanation:

• I would love to, but my plate is really full right now.
• I would if I could, but I'm unable to help with that right now.
• I really appreciate the invitation, but I'm not interested in participating.

Seeking consent with sexual boundaries:

• Are you okay with this?
• Do you want to continue?
• Are you comfortable if I____?

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk